Happiness? What is it that makes us happy? When one spends so much time trying to fit in and live the life of status quo, it’s a hard question to answer.
Do you know what makes you happy?
Was your immediate response “well, my life with Jesus makes me happy.” That’s usually the answer I gave. That is the answer we are supposed to give when we live the life of a forgiven Christian….at least I thought so. I knew deep down that my relationship with my Creator wasn’t a very fulfilling one, but I didn’t really want to admit that. I was in ministry, and serving to the best of my ability.
Better not to dwell on that too much…can’t handle that truth right now.
Filling out these charts started opening my eyes. It seemed easy enough now…I could identify my thoughts. I was getting better! Right?
Next, for homework, the charts started getting more detailed. This time they were called “dysfunctional thought record” charts. I needed to get into more detail.
Aaarrrrggghhhh……I couldn’t do it.
I wasn’t getting better after all.
It seems that I have a condition called “Dysthymia”. After seeing my counselor for awhile it became quite clear to her that I might need a little more help. We needed to get my medical doctor involved. Maybe if I try some mild medication, together with the counseling, we can finally break through some of the deeper issues.
So, off to the doctor I went. I had a fancy “therapy binder” that I had assembled. Tabs made with fancy card-stock, and pages full of highlighted definitions and charts. (I was quite proud of this binder! 🙂 Probably some of the happiest moments I had had in those weeks was putting together this fancy piece of artwork!) Together with an trainee intern, my doctor gave me some of her own papers to fill out. Let’s see if our patient is truly in need of medication.
Yep…seems to have quite severe PTSD. How have we not seen this in the last 20 years in the doctor/patient relationship? Could it be because I have been hiding all of my feelings for so long? Probably.
I got my prescription….
to be continued…..