The Constant (blog)
There have been about 4 weeks of blank brain space going on. Nothing seems to sink in…and definitely nothing of value seems to be coming out either. It has been hard to experience. And I confess that I have felt some despair over it as well. I started this year on such a high note. The website was renewed, I started getting involved with social media on a different level and met some great new people. Things were looking up and I could see some of my dreams coming true, things that I had dreamed about for years.
Then I hit a wall. A hard wall. And it wasn’t a wall in front of me…it was around me. I couldn’t see which way to go. I couldn’t think clearly…
What to do? There is an element of panic that starts to set in. I couldn’t see anyone else going through this.
As I sit and think about it all today, I can see what happened. It is starting to get clearer. There are a lot of things that happened this year. And my brain got busy, my heart got busy…and they had to take a break.
This year started with a new purpose. The dreams of starting a working website was realized. It felt so good to be able to help ladies here in Tanzania with employment, as I had a product to buy and sell. This little town has so little work for women. Win win situation, wouldn’t you think? I thought so. After 10 years of making bags and selling them…I could pass on the blessing to others.
After this moment of excitement we were thrown into the stress of helping our 2 oldest boys get into college. There were many ups and downs in this. Watching the struggles and moments of uncertainty hit harder than I though they would. I have high hopes for them, and want to see them get an education…but also to be in a place where they thrive in every way, spiritually and emotionally. As an adult, we know that life can be hard enough, but if you are in a place of employment where you thrive, it makes the world of difference. Doesn’t it? Again, things didn’t go exactly as planned, and some of the applied to programs were denied. How can this happen? Can’t these schools see how wonderful my kids are? 🙂
At this point I really had to think through what I say and believe. Do they actually mirror each other? Do I honestly believe that God opens the right doors and opportunities, or do I just say it to sound spiritual? There is a part of me that has to repent. Sure, saying that God opens the right doors is easy to say when the doors we want opened do open. I know need to take a deep breath…and say it again…
The right doors DO open. When we seek His will and keep on knocking, they do open. Sometimes they just aren’t the doors we thought we were knocking on. When they open, we can walk through in faith…this is where He wants us to go.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. (Matthew 7:7, 8 NKJV)
So…these last few months were emotionally busy. Add to this the daily work of being on the mission-field, foreign bureaucracy, homeschooling, blogging, AND peri menopause…and it’s a cauldron of confusion!!!
I challenged myself to read the Bible through in the first 3 months of this year. This probably added to the mix of confusion. The enemy doesn’t like to see us pursuing the truth and a closer relationship with Jesus. He doesn’t, and he makes it his goal to mess things up for us. He uses distractions and disappointments, to keep us busy and distracted. Somehow through it all, I have been able to keep going with this one challenge. There is a hunger for God’s word growing inside. His word is true and constant. His promises never fail. Even if my life and emotional state look like a see-saw, He is constant.
Steady.
Never failing.
Patient and loving.
Constant…..
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling.
There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn. The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted. The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has made desolations in the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariot in the fire. Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge.
(Psalms 46:1-11 NKJV)