The other day I was feeling overwhelmed and tired. There was a heaviness on my shoulders that I was blaming someone else for. How could they not see what they have done? And how miserable it made me? Why aren’t they saying the right thing to make me feel better? Well, hindsight always has its merit. I can now see that what I was going through was entirely self-inflicted and I wanted to blame someone I loved instead. That would mean that I would not have to be accountable for my own emotions and behaviors. How can I expect someone else to read my mind and know what to say when I don’t even know what’s going on in my mind?
So often we blame someone else for our mistakes as well as our emotions. I can hear it when I have conversations with other people (and with my self dialogue). Quite often the issues are blamed on someone else, either someone personally, some employer or organization. It is so easy to turn the blind eye to our own accountability…then we don’t have to deal with things, after all it’s not our fault.
How much of what I was experiencing was someone else’s fault? And even if it is, how do they know if I don’t tell them? While I was blaming someone else, my conversation to them was full of innuendo and hints…nothing straightforward at first. I wanted them to understand, implicitly, what I was getting at. It was only after verbalizing to them what I was thinking, that I had that AHA moment! None of this was their fault…it was all my made up drama. I was tired and feeling misunderstood. Mostly because I didn’t want to take the responsibility for my own tiredness and imagination.
Now it’s time to say “I’m sorry’.