Tag Archives: PTSD

Flashbacks (Part 7)

Where did this PTSD come from? And why was it in my life? My parents had committed their lives to each other and to full time ministry, this was a safe environment, right? I had always thought so.

My life, in a nutshell, had been a life full of adventure and excitement. I had lived in 6 countries by the time I was 10 years old. During this time I went to 5 different schools, and had learned, quite quickly, to adapt or not be accepted. Also in this 10 year period, there had been a revolution in one of the countries that I lived in. Our life there was surrounded by violence and fear, gunshots at night…which the dorm parents tried to drown out by playing classical music as loudly as they dared.

“Do you get flashbacks,” asked the counselor, “and what do you see when you get them?”

Continue reading Flashbacks (Part 7)

The Meds…(Part 5)

Happiness? What is it that makes us happy? When one spends so much time trying to fit in and live the life of status quo, it’s a hard question to answer.

Do you know what makes you happy?

Was your immediate response “well, my life with Jesus makes me happy.” That’s usually the answer I gave. That is the answer we are supposed to give when we live the life of a forgiven Christian….at least I thought so. I knew deep down that my relationship with my Creator wasn’t a very fulfilling one, but I didn’t really want to admit that. I was in ministry, and serving to the best of my ability.

Better not to dwell on that too much…can’t handle that truth right now.

Filling out these charts started opening my eyes. It seemed easy enough now…I could identify my thoughts. I was getting better! Right?

Next, for homework, the charts started getting more detailed. This time they were called “dysfunctional thought record” charts. I needed to get into more detail.

Aaarrrrggghhhh……I couldn’t do it.

I wasn’t getting better after all.

It seems that I have a condition called “Dysthymia”. After seeing my counselor for awhile it became quite clear to her that I might need a little more help. We needed to get my medical doctor involved. Maybe if I try some mild medication, together with the counseling, we can finally break through some of the deeper issues.

So, off to the doctor I went. I had a fancy “therapy binder” that I had assembled. Tabs made with fancy card-stock, and pages full of highlighted definitions and charts. (I was quite proud of this binder! 🙂 Probably some of the happiest moments I had had in those weeks was putting together this fancy piece of artwork!) Together with an trainee intern, my doctor gave me some of her own papers to fill out. Let’s see if our patient is truly in need of medication.

Yep…seems to have quite severe PTSD. How have we not seen this in the last 20 years in the doctor/patient relationship? Could it be because I have been hiding all of my feelings for so long? Probably.

I got my prescription….

to be continued…..

The Silent Scream (part 2)

It didn’t take long for the counselor to figure out what was wrong. Within a few sessions it became obvious that I had some form of PTSD. (I had suspected that myself, but it was a relief to hear someone else confirm it.) She also added to that, as there were another few issues as well. Strategic Survival Personality and Boarding School Syndrome…big words! What did those mean? Are they actually real issues? Or were they just some form of psychobabble?

It seems that there were quite a few reasons for this diagnosis. I guess that experiencing war, violence, and abandonment were quite traumatic, and had a long term effect.

Continue reading The Silent Scream (part 2)