I am a stubborn and proud person. I pretend otherwise, and fail miserably at pretending. Because of this trait that I possess, it is hard to surrender to others’ ideas and plans. But the biggest issue that I have is surrendering to God. It is easy to say…”I surrender all”…and easy to say it in conversation, but the reality is totally different. We secretly think we know better than others, and even God at times. And we put our surrender on our terms. After all, it’s our life, we know how to live it ourselves. We know how things work for us!
What happens when we surrender our lives to God? Does the thought make you tremble in fear? Does it make you angry? Do you doubt that God even would have your best interest at heart? He must be too busy or too important to really pay attention to you, right? Or do you have an experience where you have surrendered your life to God and everything went wrong? That life just started going sour and got too difficult…and so you decided that the surrendering thing just doesn’t work, so you take it back?
Many times I have “surrendered” to God. Usually this involves a spiritual experience that overwhelms me, and I decide that I am going to change. I will follow God’s will in my life wholeheartedly!! Within a day or so something goes wrong. Within a week or so I have given up and become slightly confused and often a bit bitter. What happened? I was in such a good place? I was ready to be used by God! Where did He go? Did He forget our pact? What about that deep spiritual experience? Did it really happen?
After experiencing this over and over I realize that there is a pattern. I get to a place where my heart is open and willing…and I get attacked! The devil does not want us to surrender…and within seconds he will sow doubt and discord. He will twist things and make life just miserable. He whispers lies. He wears us down with petty little things…and we get tired and forget that God is with us. Through it all I have seen that I give up too easily. I let the little things get in the way of the big picture. Surrendering isn’t limited to having a spiritual experience. It is a daily battle. It is a daily, sometimes hourly, choice we make! It is part of the building blocks we need to go forward in faith. Seeing the attacks for what they are, and not getting beaten down. Knowing, that through it all, the attacks mean that we are on the right track!
Surrendering constantly. That’s where I know the rest is. That is where I will find God’s will for my life. Not worrying about tomorrow, if it even comes or not. He sees the big picture, I don’t need to. I just need to be faithful.