There are many of us that had or have secrets that we want to keep hiding. From others and ourselves. We cover them up with lies and denial. We suffer the consequences…and usually those consequences are in our closest relationships. Getting close to God is almost impossible. We hide alcoholism, sexual perversion, sinful behavior and thought patterns, witchcraft….there are so many. You know what I mean. And you know what it is in your life. These secrets cause us to have issues with trust, love and honest communication. We hide behind the “normal” and lie to ourselves in the dark. Most won’t even admit it to ourselves. It makes us feel bad, and we don’t like that.
So many traps lie in our path. Some secrets start in our childhood, and these are so hard to fight. They bring shame and guilt. We feel powerless, angry and bitter. We blame our circumstances. We try to justify our secrets because they feel good and bring temporary satisfaction. They hide the pain. We don’t need to have honest conversations. We can just ignore them.
Having a relationship can become hard. Our secrets can be so all consuming and such a defining part of our lives, that when a relationship gets to a certain level, we can’t go further. We live lonely lives, constantly seeking a deeper love. Even in marriage there are levels that are hiding. Constantly stopping us from deeper intimacy.
I also feel that one of the biggest consequences here is the barrier to true freedom in Christ. We have love/hate feelings about our secrets, and we don’t want to be convicted about them. And that is what happens when we get close to God, He starts to convict us of our wrongs. It has happened to me so many times over the years. I start seeking His face and will in my life. I feel the conviction coming into my heart. I start to change my behavior. I repent. Reluctantly! Things go well for awhile then I feel the call of old behavior. Temptation kicks in. I can’t resist. I go back to old patterns and feel bad. And then time goes on again…the cycle continues.
Over the years I have come to recognize the patterns that I follow. Knowing the traps that are laid in front of me helps me avoid them. Constant vigilance and prayer has released so many burdens in my life. At times the prayer is done by others. I can’t always fight it on my own.
I can see that now the old secrets don’t interest me anymore. They don’t have a hold on my heart and mind. I know because I find myself testing my heart. It has taken years of work and prayer. The beautiful thing in all of this is experiencing God’s grace in my life. He never gives up on us. He always forgives us. He never stops loving us…even when we are hiding in the dark, thinking that no one can see us. He has watched and waited…as I zigzag through life, trying to go forward.
Let’s go forward and focus on what He has promised us. Strength when we are weak. Help in our daily lives. Grace and forgiveness when we least deserve it. He forgives us. We also need to forgive ourselves!!!
And he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, because the power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore rather I will boast most gladly in my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may reside in me. Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in calamities, in persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:9-10