Life can be such a struggle at times. For some the struggle seems constant. There are seasons of pain and seasons of growth. There are seasons where life seems effortless. Right now I am going through some season…don’t know what it is, but I am tired. I am trying to hard to fit into a mold that I think I should be fitting into, and it is not working out very well. Through this whole time I feel the desire to pursue truth and deepen my relationship with Jesus.
After going through times of doubt and fatigue (in the past) I have noticed that there is a deeper understanding in what I believe. Some of those seasons have lasted many months, even into a few years. I rant and rave and tell God what I think…and what I can’t do anymore…and He is always there. I stop reading His word and praising Him…but He speaks to me through Bible verses that I learned as a child, and He talks to me through music. He pursues me relentlessly. He doesn’t give up, even when I want to.
There have been many a day when He opens my eyes and I can see…and it happens over and over again. Each time a new truth is revealed. Sometimes the truth gets me angry and disappointed, but it is truth nonetheless. Once I see the truth, I can move forward with growth and freedom. I can see these like steps going up in front of me. Constantly going up toward eternity. There are many times that I stand on a step for a long time, at times taking a step down, but looking back I can see the height growing behind me. Clarity and peace up above me.
My hunger for Him is growing. Life is so short compared to eternity. When one sees the perspective of time and distance it puts so many things into their place. What earthly possession really matters? What status or popularity standard? Jesus is calling for people who are willing to follow, whatever it takes…and I want to follow…