What do I have to lose?
You might be wondering what I am talking about.
This last year has been one of those journeys that I used to only read about. The “great awakening”!! It has been a year where the tears and laughter have flowed, but also the full spectrum of emotion has also been experienced. From the dizzying heights to “the depths of despair”, as so well said by Anne Shirley. 🙂 I have learned to say what I believe, instead of skirting issues. Standing up for what I believe has been harder, and easier, than I thought it would be. Avoiding conflict and controversy was the way I used to protect myself before. It made life easier to deal with…but darkness was simmering below the surface the whole time. Just waiting to explode.
But standing up for my beliefs has had other “consequences”. Ones that I didn’t really anticipate. There is a certain aloneness that can come from this experience. My field of friendships narrowed down. The new passion in Jesus can make some people uncomfortable. And I get it. I used to avoid the “Jesus Freaks” as much as I could.
I lost interest in certain types of entertainment. I was a voracious reader of all things fiction before…can’t get through more that a few chapters in some books anymore. There are weeks where I don’t even read a book. After 40 years of reading, this was something I thought would stay with me. My taste in music and tv/movie entertainment has turned around.
I used to understand this freedom in a different way. I thought if I gave up things like books, TV shows, movies, or even other things, it would bring me closer to Christ. And I couldn’t do it. I tried so many times in my own strength and will. But now it feels like my beliefs have been turned over on their head.
It’s so much simpler to just surrender to Jesus.
To tell Him the truth, as if He didn’t already know it, and to tell yourself the truth. When we seek Him first, the other things do fall away. I didn’t think that it could. Relationships do become deeper, or then they go away. “Enemies” get stronger and louder, but to me that means I am on the right track. (If you don’t have people disagreeing with you, it means you aren’t actually standing up for anything).
Matthew 6:33-34 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Striving for status and money…gone.
Trying to be liked and popular…gone.
And really, I haven’t lost a thing. There was nothing to lose, but so much to gain.
Every day is a new adventure with Jesus. He is all I need! <3