Marriage!!

My wedding was a blur. Due to my extreme fear of being in large groups and being the center of attention…it was a scary experience. My groom was ignored that day as I shook my way through the ceremony and reception. Something I can’t go back and change. Not that I would…it was my day that changed my life! In sickness and health, for richer for poorer…till death do us part! Marriage is something that one is never prepared for.

These days weddings are a huge business, with the preparation for the actual marriage put on the back burner. What does that say about us as a society? People bankrupting themselves for a day in the spotlight? Trying to outdo each other in originality and spending? All in the name of romance. Easily spending a down payment of a house on one day. If one can afford that, then go for it…but most can’t.

After almost 23 years of marriage I can say that I finally have learned a few things. First of all, I was not the best spouse…but that didn’t stop me from blaming my husband for all our issues. I have heard it said that marriage is 50/50…but in my experience it is more like 80/20. To me this means that one gives more than the other in every issue. The same one is not always giving more…but the art of compromise doesn’t mean that both end up getting what they want. It means that both get something…one more than the other. We have dealt with all of our vows, and come through stronger. Love at 23 years isn’t the same as love at 2, 10 or even 15 years. In sociology I learned that one can’t claim to be an expert in anything until they have put in 10 000 hours. That takes about 10 years. A long time…and its very easy to give up before it’s up. (Disclaimer here…right now I am talking about a “regular” marriage…one that doesn’t have to deal with abuse, alcoholism, etc.)

I hope and pray that I can continue to grow and change, after all I can’t change anyone else…and be a better spouse as the years go by. Here’s to “happily ever after”…