For many years I have gone for walks, and watched for communists, terrorists and rapists…they were just lurking out there somewhere. Every noise caused my heart to pound, the sweat would start pouring down my back. I would grit my teeth and keep going, after all, walking is good for me. I need the fresh air and exercise. There would be quite a bit of muttering going on under my breath, “it’s only a squirrel or a bird, calm down!”
That didn’t really work. It took a lot of energy to go outside, even when the weather was perfect.
“I need a dog,” I told my counselor one afternoon.
“Why do you need a dog?”, she asked me. “What do you think you will accomplish by getting one?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I will feel safer and there will be an extra keen set of ears keeping me alert. Plus, they are a distraction from the noises, and an added motivation to go outside for walks. Dogs love walks, right?” I had this all figured out.
“Dogs are great to have, and I believe that getting a dog would be good for you, but you need to ask yourself if you are just getting one as a way to avoid dealing with the fear.” That was an answer I didn’t expect. “You need to face the fears and go through the process of dealing with them first.”
Makes sense I guess. Have to figure out a way to deal with the fear first, then I can get a dog. Or maybe I can figure out how to do both at the same time? I didn’t really know how to deal with the fear. I knew there were therapy methods that could be used, but I wanted to wait. I also had the logical tools, and forms to fill out, and the bible verses to back me up…but it can be hard to turn off the ears and imagination while outside.
I didn’t really know how to go forward…
Jesus had a plan for me. He knows how to deal with my fears, and all I had to do was trust in Him.
A few blogs ago I wrote about my experience at the healing conference, where I received a heavenly dose of therapy and had my flashbacks changed. During that same process I had images of our road also pop up. I used to see myself as this frightened woman walking down this road, all alone…trying to be brave, and just forcing herself to enjoy the walk. During these flashes of EMDR, I saw this same woman walking, but flanked by 2 large beings, and sometimes with a 3rd as well. I knew what those pictures were, and I realized in a heartbeat that I had nothing to be afraid of. He, and His angels have been walking with me all along. They walked beside me, and sometimes behind a bit….also enjoying the beauty of nature, and God’s creation.
It is a beautiful picture. Being surrounded by such love and safety…I had/have nothing to be afraid of.
And so I got a dog.
These days I take off on walks, a big smile on my face…knowing I am not alone. There are guardians all around me. Some with 2 legs, and one with 4! 🙂
“You who sit down in the High God’s presence, spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow, Say this: “ God, you’re my refuge. I trust in you and I’m safe!” That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards. His huge outstretched arms protect you— under them you’re perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm. Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night, not flying arrows in the day, Not disease that prowls through the darkness, not disaster that erupts at high noon. Even though others succumb all around, drop like flies right and left, no harm will even graze you. You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance, watch the wicked turn into corpses. Yes, because God ’s your refuge, the High God your very own home, Evil can’t get close to you, harm can’t get through the door. He ordered his angels to guard you wherever you go. If you stumble, they’ll catch you; their job is to keep you from falling. You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes, and kick young lions and serpents from the path. If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times; I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party. I’ll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!” (Psalm 91:1-16 MSG)
