Books and I go back almost 40 years. It has, and continues to be a fantastic relationship. However…there are only a few that have stuck with me through the years. One of them comes to mind when I thought about this blog. It’s the book, “5 Love Languages” , by Gary Chapman. I’m sure most of you have read it, or at least have seen it lying around. It has been a best seller for many years. For some it’s “pop psychology” and the premise is quite simplistic. But it has made sense to the many that have read it and embraced its message. You might be able to guess what the book is about? we all have a language that we use when it comes to love.
The five “love languages” are…1) words of affirmation 2) acts of service 3) receiving gifts 4) quality time and 5) physical touch. Most of us have a preconceived idea of what our language is. I thought mine was receiving gifts…after all, I enjoy giving gifts and wished I received them once in awhile. (Haha). I was wrong. I’m not saying that this book is the ultimate authority on these languages, but it helped me to realize that we all express love differently. What I expect from others, and my spouse, is the language I speak. Then I get frustrated when I don’t “feel the love”. I’m not an expressive person, and it hard for me to use words of affirmation and physical touch. So, when someone expresses these to me…I am extremely uncomfortable and usually suspicious of their motives!!!
For these years, after reading this book, I have had to remind myself (many times) that I am different from my spouse…and even my children. I am definitely different from my mother! Learning to speak the language of love to someone takes time. It is a new language after all, and it feels foreign. But it’s worth it. It’s worth finding out what your spouse and children speak too. For example…lets say you’re constantly hugging your spouse and they squirm the whole time. You feel rejected, right? Meanwhile, they are fixing things around the house, even when you don’t notice that something needs fixing. Sometimes these “chores” of theirs cuts into time you had planned for the two of you….maybe a cuddle on the couch while watching your favorite show. Here you see two different languages and two frustrated people. One wants hugs, and gives them…the other is showing love by doing things that they feel the other one needs.
Well, writing this blog was a reminder to myself…watch what the men in my life are doing. That’s how they show love. I need to reciprocate in kind…so they also feel loved. They haven’t read the book, I have. And I am a woman after all…and have such control over my emotions and logic!