Irritability!

Irritability (blog)

Today was a day when I had to face an ugly truth about myself. It is something that I have been aware of…but thought that it can be overcome. I get irritated easily, and often….and for the simplest things. As I get older I seem to be able to mask it a bit better…but, maybe not so well in front of the people who know me. It’s a sad truth, and I can’t say I like it. Self-awareness, and owning up to my motives, is starting to bite me in the behind. I was so pleased with the “work” that was going on inside me, that this feels like a setback and something I can’t deal with. Maybe getting it out there will be part of the catharsis. (Obviously, I am dealing with too much pride?)

Is this all part of growing up? Seeing all the bits…the good, the bad and the ugly? Wouldn’t it be easier to just float along, swimming in the shallows of emotion and thought? Sometimes the ugly is just SO ugly. When we see the real us, the one who has prejudices and pride, the one who wants to fit in with the pretty and rich, the one who actually hates and distrusts others…what can we do? Do we even want to see it? Do we really want to work on it?

When we confront these in ourselves, it means we need to start working on them as well. This eye opening experience means that we are ready for growth. And to experience this growth we must first confront what it is inside that is eating us up, or that something we are trying desperately to hide from everyone. I keep reiterating this over and over…it is so obvious that around us there are people that have never looked inside…just outside. I want to be someone that can be their genuine self, even on a cranky hormonal day; someone who radiates peace and love and acceptance in their surroundings. Someone who can take correction as well as praise. Someone who doesn’t tie their self worth to things and popularity.

Another day, another lesson in humanity and its failings. Jesus is my only hope. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Being real and raw in Him is the only way we can be the effective witness He needs and that the world around us needs. Let’s be real….