How is Love Abusive?

How is Love Abusive?


Love is NEVER abusive.

Yet coming out, to a theater near you this valentines day, is an expected blockbuster…glorifying abuse, and calling it love!

I remember the weeks before the book came out, and at the bookstore there was a big buildup going on. This book was supposed to be the “it” book of the year! We, as the employees, were supposed to know what the book was about, and be ready for the throngs of women that wanted to buy it. Of course I was curious, how was a romance novel going to be such a big hit? Most women have a certain genre they stick to, and that’s it.

Well, this book had nothing to do with romance. It was under the category of erotica, but sold as a romance, just to make it more palatable for the masses.

When the book came out, the frenzy started. Women, from the ages of 13-83 bought it. There were 8 pages worth of women that had left their names and numbers in our binder, just to get copies held for them. And I had to call them when the book came to the store.

I started sensing that something was not right. I even tried reading bits of the book at the store, in secret of course, just to see what made the sex in this book different from the other novels that we had. I “needed to know” so I could “promote the book”. I used to be addicted to romance novels, and knew what they were selling. Lust is a powerful tool, and the enemy uses it in every which way he can. Romance novels have been the tool to hook women, just like pornography has been to entice men.

Well, the two have finally met! Daytime talk show hosts have been encouraging women to watch porn with their men…it makes the sex hotter, they say…never mentioning that those women on the screen are often abused and pulled into an industry of perversion and slavery against their will. Girls, like our own children, led to believe lies about themselves…that they aren’t loved as they are.

We are now getting addicted to violence mixed with sex, and our society is telling us this is good for our MARRIAGE??? Maybe you will have hot sex with your man now…but what next? When this wears off…and it will, because we have been slowly building up to this level for decades. Our society gets bored easily, and keeps looking for the next enticement. Erotic book sales have been climbing for 15 years, now they are considered mainstream, and not hiding in the back corners of the bookstore.

Book sales for 50 shades has gone on to astounding proportions. They have surpassed Harry Potter, and are now 2nd after the Bible.

Where do we go from here? I really don’t know, but putting our heads in the sand isn’t going to make this go away.

I have felt this sense of panic. As I read and learn more about what is going on in our society, I can see the tears of Jesus. He created us to be pure, and in the image of Himself.

We might think that this is not our issue, that christians are immune, and our children are immune, but we are just ignoring the bigger picture. Satan has been planning this for years, every since the first issue of Playboy came out in 1953. He has been patiently grooming our society to accept more and more depravity as time goes by.

Just a few years ago we would be been horrified by this book and what it stands for…but now women in the church are reading it at the same percentage level as the women in the world. Men in the church are just addicted to pornography as the men in the world, as over 50% of men are watching it on a regular basis. Our boys are accessing porn between the ages of 11 and 13, 65-85% of them…and what they are seeing is nothing like what men used to see. The violence depicted in this industry is one step shy of murder.

1 in 3 women are abused in our society today, be it sexual, physical or emotional. I can honestly say that even amongst the women I live with and am friends with, the statistic is the same. I, myself, was assaulted twice, once as an 11 year old and then again at 13. I triumphed over this with the help of Jesus, but many carry the shame and fear inside still. Who is out there speaking out against this violence? I don’t hear the voices in our church rising up yet.

Let’s not be blind! We fight an insidious and brilliant enemy. But he has no power against us, as we rise up against him and start telling him that we SEE what he is doing.

Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” Genesis 3:15

We have power in the name of Jesus. We have truth on our side. We cannot let the shame of what this book has done in our private lives become bigger than the issue at hand. We need to protect our children and our marriages.

For the report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you, but I want you to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil. The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 6:19,20

This is the true definition of love. The kind we all crave, and feel safe in.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I hope that you can make sense of this rambling. I feel like I could go on forever. Here at the bottom of the blog there are some amazing videos, podcasts and books to help you get some more information.

This first one is an audio podcast from a Christian perspective. An amazing insight into what the 50 Shades of Grey book is doing to our homes and marriages.

Here is a book about the reality of what the 50 Shades books are about.

We cannot plead ignorance anymore. “No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.” Edmund Burke

Even speaking to our children, husbands and our friends makes a difference. There is no shame is talking about what is going on in our society. My 9th grade son told me that there are jokes going on at school about these books…well, we have to talk about it, right? And there is no shame is having being caught up in the hype of this book. Most of us live in safe environments and in safe marriages, so where is the harm? We need to see the bigger picture.

There is a sociologist, Gail Dines, who has written a book, “Pornland”. She lectures around the world now. Her message is frightening, because she is talking about our culture and the culture our children are growing up in.

If you want to learn more, I would recommend watching her 79 minute lecture here. It is profane, shocking, but profound. (please don’t watch it if you’re under 18!) She really gets into what our culture is like now. It’s really worth getting a cup of coffee, sitting down and listening to.

Here is a shorter video interview. She only skims some of the issues, but shocking nonetheless. (Again, only if you’re over 18)

Bless you as you start to pour back love into our society, and the awareness of the Father Heart of God! He loves us, and wants us to be safe and loved. He that is in us is stronger than he that is in the world! <3 1 John 4:4