Getting There…. (part 9)


It all sounded so overwhelming. I couldn’t really absorb what was going on in my head. It was getting messed up even more. I would walk around the house in circles, forgetting what I was doing. I would find myself forgetting things, and having conversations with myself that made no sense.

I was restless all of the time. I couldn’t focus on anything. Getting a meal on the table was hard enough work. Forget my work with sewing and fundraising for missions.

I started losing sleep.

Apathy started taking over. I was tired, dizzy, and having a hard time driving.

Isn’t the medication supposed to be helping me in all of this? How long had I been taking it now? Just a few weeks…the doctor said that it should take 4-6 weeks for a positive effect to take place. I can wait a few more weeks.

Then the tremors started.

What was happening? Was I starting to feel side effects without any of the benefits? This was a bit scary. Looking again through the lists of side effects was eye-opening. It seems that I had quite a few of them….even some of the ones where it says to call the doctor immediately. What should I do now? I hadn’t had any positive effects at all yet!

I talked to my counselor. And to the doctor. Going “cold turkey” was what I decided to do. I was too scared to take any more pills. Let’s wait a few weeks and see if I need to try different meds. This seemed to be the right choice for now, we can visit the med thing later.

Were there any other types of therapies that we could try? Something else to rewire the brain?

“We could try a new therapy, by the name of EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing Therapy.” There is a therapist in town that does this. Apparently you go through all of your past and current traumas and reprogram the pictures you see. (This is my own way of rewording this complicated process.) “If you are interested in trying this, then we can make you an appointment.” It was so nice having someone on my side, someone who was willing to try anything to see me get better. This EMDR stuff sounds quite interesting. Something a little sci-fi maybe?

“Let’s wait a few more weeks,” I told her. I have a feeling that this might not be something that I need right now. Maybe later. There was a part of me that didn’t really believe that it would work very well. How does one get their brain and memories rewired?

Besides, there was a conference the coming weekend that I felt I needed to go to. Let’s see if I can get some time with Jesus. Maybe someone will pray for me and have some words of insight. After all…isn’t Jesus the ultimate healer?

I was a bit skeptical, but maybe there was some kind of answer available at church.

to be cont’d