Friends?

In my life I have been blessed with women that accept me for who I am, flaws and all. It’s amazing to me considering my track record. For 30+ years I was on the search for a “best friend”…I was obsessed with this quest. The problem was that I didn’t recognize it when I saw it.

So many relationships come with the baggage from previous experiences. At the age of 9 I lost my best friend. She decided I wasn’t cool enough to be friends with anymore, and I got dumped ceremoniously and publicly. The sting of this humiliation affected the way I treated all the potential friends that came into my life. I would hurt them before they could hurt me. I would move on from one friendship to the next, always looking for my kindred spirit. I found a few, but as soon as they got close I would leave them for another. It was not pretty. And I wish that I hadn’t done that. It’s so easy to see things in hindsight.

Were there any lessons learned in this? Self awareness doesn’t always bring change. Old behaviors are hard to break. Insecurities don’t just disappear. 30+ years later…and I found myself still on the quest for a best friend. Did having one validate me in some way? It’s only in the last few years, in my 40’s that I had to stop this. I was surrounded by “best friends”!! I had been blind! Years of shared experiences have bonded us together. Hurts, pain, laughter, marriage, divorce, children…all experienced together. Honest conversation and happy tears…what else do you need from a best friend? Thank you…you know who you are…xx