I was on my way to being an alcoholic! Yes, maybe not one that you would have noticed, but one that needed alcohol to function. I was about 20 or so. I was in a job that I enjoyed, but it didn’t suit my personality. I was in constant stress. My hair would fall out in clumps, and quite often I had to take a leave from work because my coping mechanisms weren’t working very well. So, to help myself relax and to settle down enough to go to sleep, I would drink a few. I told myself it didn’t matter, it’s not like it was a sin. Right? After all, many of my friends drank…some of them quite openly. Continue reading Actions Speak Louder than Words
I have had a bit of an addiction for those occasions that warrant the giving of gifts. There were years when I spent over my “budget” to buy the “perfect” gift for someone. My own lists were long, and I confess that I spent a lot of time obsessing if I would get what was on those lists. If I didn’t, I would take up a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, and feeling resentful toward those that hadn’t lived up to my expectations. Needless to say, Christmas and birthdays weren’t really a joyful time. I can’t say that I really spent much time thinking about the true meaning of what was being celebrated. It was all about things…what I could give, and what I could get. Continue reading Presents vs Presence
When I was about 7 years old, I remember asking for a big brother. As an only child, there were days when I felt a bit lonely…but most of all, I thought a big brother would be really nice. Some of my friends had one, and there was something about the security that came with it that I craved. Someone to look up to, but also someone who would take care of me. Well, my parents weren’t able to accommodate me, life as a child can be so disappointing at times. 🙂
Throughout the years it has been fascinating observing family dynamics. I spent a lot of time, and still do, watching how families interact. There are many instances that I don’t understand, but beneath it all, I can see how unique these relationships are. There is a lot of loyalty, but deep down, often there is also envy and a strong sense of competition. It doesn’t seem to matter what age the family members are, the emotions are the same, but the behavior masking the emotions comes out differently. Continue reading The Ties That Bind…
Often relationships become lopsided. One needs and expects more than the other, or one is more demanding and eventually the other becomes drained of energy. It is said that relationships are 50/50…but it really should more like 100/100. There aren’t really any other options, but often the numbers are uneven, and one inevitably gives more than the other. Unless it’s acknowledged and worked on, there is one who eventually feels used and tired. There can even be a breakup down the road.
Which side of a relationship are you on? Do you give or take? Does it feel fair?
Do you depend on another person to get you through the day? What happens when that person fails or disappoints you? And what do you do if they aren’t available every time you need them? Do you feel it’s their fault? Is it easy to assign blame on someone else when our needs aren’t met? Continue reading Dependence