Category Archives: dialogue

The Search Continues (Part 3)

How does one learn to define their needs? Or their feelings? What if they don’t know what they need or feel? Especially when the basic needs seem to be met. There are countless words that we can use to express emotion…

dread
suspicious
frustrated
livid
repulsed
dazed
torn
numb
withdrawn
mortified
listless
devastated
frazzled
overwhelmed

and some positive ones…

tender
loving
intrigued
stimulated
optimistic
engrossed
eager
safe
open
dazzled
giddy
passionate
vibrant
thankful
awed

you get the idea…. Continue reading The Search Continues (Part 3)

The Silent Scream (part 2)

It didn’t take long for the counselor to figure out what was wrong. Within a few sessions it became obvious that I had some form of PTSD. (I had suspected that myself, but it was a relief to hear someone else confirm it.) She also added to that, as there were another few issues as well. Strategic Survival Personality and Boarding School Syndrome…big words! What did those mean? Are they actually real issues? Or were they just some form of psychobabble?

It seems that there were quite a few reasons for this diagnosis. I guess that experiencing war, violence, and abandonment were quite traumatic, and had a long term effect.

Continue reading The Silent Scream (part 2)

The Silent Scream….

Part 1

This last July, just a few months ago, I hit a wall. The rage and confusion was threatening to overwhelm me. I didn’t understand the turbulence in my head, and no matter what I told myself, it wouldn’t go away. It was all consuming.

Did I need to talk to someone?

Was there something inside of me that needed releasing?

How could there be anything wrong? Life was good. I was on a great track. Work in Africa gave meaning to my life, and I felt that there was finally an outlet for my skills. My family was doing quite well. Things seemed…ok…or so I told myself. Continue reading The Silent Scream….

Conscious Living

I was watching my husband do something silly the other day…this occurs a lot in our home (yes)…and asked him a question, “Do you ever experience self-awareness, and stop to contemplate what it is you’re really doing?” We laughed about it, chatted for a few more minutes, and then proceeded to go on our separate way. But something clicked inside my head as I was walking away. How often do we really stop and consciously think about what it is we are doing, or saying?

Do we live a life of routine? Habit?

How many days do we just use up doing the same things over and over? The days just slipping by… Continue reading Conscious Living

“Enough” is Enough

All of us use words to describe what we think about ourselves. For some of us those words are “ashamed”, “stupid”, “ugly”, “unlovable”, and “unworthy”. I know that these words go through my head a lot…especially on those days when I experience something that confuses or embarrasses me.

Living in the world we live in, with the constant self-promotion and marketing…we can’t help but look at ourselves and think that we fall short. It doesn’t really matter what arena we are in…be it work, family, or church, we still want to live up to a certain “ideal”. Continue reading “Enough” is Enough

Famine

I’ve been there, and I’ve done that! Shopped for another thing, thinking that I would somehow be able to fill in that hole inside of me. Looking for sales, finding deals, and looking into my overflowing closet and not finding a single thing to wear. Wanting what I saw in the store windows…spending the money…coming home and not really feeling any better.

Watching the news, and seeing people trample each other for “bargains”, has really affected me this year. There is a high likelihood that whatever they are lining up for, or hurting each other for, they already have at home. But this years TV is such a good deal…so what if we have 4 already? Credit cards filling up again? Is the storage unit that we are paying $100 a month for filling up as well? Do we need another one? What do we do with our closets that are full? We can’t fit in any more stuff! And really, giving our clothes to the Salvation Army is good…but is it just because we want more clothes for ourselves? Does it make us feel generous? Does it fill that hole? What if we give to the Salvation Army…and then give the money we would spend on newer clothes to them as well? What a novel idea?? Continue reading Famine