Bride Price

Our local African pastor and I were having a chat the other day. He asked me what am I doing to prepare my children for marriage? I didn’t understand what he meant. He clarified it by asking me if we have started to save the money we need, to get brides for them. Here in Africa this is an important issue. He, himself paid 300 000 schillings for his bride. That is 3 months salary. A lot of money. Then the wedding costs are about equal to that. In some tribes the price is paid in livestock, ten cows being a good price. Obviously we aren’t preparing our children in the way he was asking…but it did get me to think about the question.

I have heard it said that we often model the marriages we see while growing up. This would be the marriage of our parents and of the people close to us. For many this was not a good example of marriage. And for many it has left a sour taste in the mouth. For some it translates to the fear of intimacy and relationships. Maybe even the inability to communicate in a healthy manner. I know that I have caught myself copying behavioral patterns from my parents marriage. No matter what we say…we end up doing what we saw our parents do!

So, back to original question…what am I doing to prepare my children for marriage? Do I honor and love their father? Do I communicate effectively? Is the marriage that I am patterning for them the one I would want them to have? Do they see us make time for each other? Are the priorities straight? Jesus first, spouse next, children and career to follow? Is it too late to change my marital behavior when my children are older already? And do we still watch our parents marriage as we are older? All I know is that I want my boys to have wonderful marriages…full of love, laughter and adventure….maybe I can still show them….