A Mother’s Heart

Being a mother is a lifetime journey of ups and downs. There are those moments of joy when we celebrate the firsts. The birth, the smile, the laugh…and those first steps. The first day of school is one of those firsts that fill us with dread. Will my baby be okay? Will he find friends? Will he be smart enough so that school won’t be a constant struggle? This day, and many of the days that follow, can potentially break our heart. We see struggle, we see pain…and we can’t do much about it. We can’t walk that walk for them…no matter how much we want to. We try to comfort and encourage them, and pray that it gets easier. We hide behind the encouraging smile, and cry, and rail at God…”why can’t this be easier? Why does my child have to suffer?”

Life goes on and we see them trying to make friends. We see rejection hit them in the face. We see the insecurities and loneliness in their faces, and it kills us! Again, we can’t do anything. We can’t fight those battles for them, even though we want to go and give those bullies a talking to. Their hearts are breaking…and ours is breaking beside them. We pray, and pray…and smile to their faces. We tell them how wonderful they are. That life is hard, and they will make great friends, when they finally get to that place where they are with likeminded people. And inside of us, the tears flow, as we know that life will be full of rejections and uncertainty.

Our children hold our hearts in their hands…right from that first breath. We love them, and see them grow. We see their beautiful spirits and laugh with them. We see their potential, and encourage them to follow their dreams. We fight between giving them wings and holding them back. Either way, we are torn.

When they finally leave home, we are hopeful!! Have we given them the tools they need to survive? Will they have good, strong friendships that stand the test of time? Will they find love? Heartbreak? Seeing them struggle through life is so difficult. Again, as their heart breaks, so does ours. Their tears become ours. Again, we can’t protect them from all of this. This is life. We went through it, and now we have to watch them go through it.

Many of my friends are going through this at the same time as I am. We had our children together. We watched them grow up. We are now watching them as they navigate the waters of adulthood.

And all we can do is pray….and tell them we love them.

And life will be okay. It’s worth it all. We have to live it a day at a time.

And they will finally understand , that day when they hold the hand of their newborn…their own heart will now be walking outside of their body. And they wouldn’t change it for anything…<3